Intruder (2016)

Directed by: Travis Zariwny

Starring: Louise Linton, John Robinson, Moby, and Zach Myers

Genre: Horror, Thriller, Suspense

Rated: Not Rated

A violent Oregon storm is blowing in for the weekend and young cellist, Elizabeth, is home enjoying some time alone. Unbeknownst to her, someone has entered her home and joined her in her weekend of solitude.

Meet Elizabeth, an orchestra cellist who has the strength to manhandle such a large instrument, but cannot manage to carry two trash bags to the can outside. Elizabeth only listens to cello music, is unique because she has an old-school answering machine, and often does security sweeps in her home that just happen to miss the intruder's very obvious clues and hiding places. Meet the Intruder who is obsessed with Elizabeth, hides in her closet, leaves finger prints and DNA EVERYWHERE, and acts more like an angsty teenage boy than a grown man. Also there's a creepy music instructor, an overly at-home boyfriend, and a cute cat named Ozzy that will be the only character you like in this entire film.

The movie literally opens on a cliché - a 'dark, stormy night' with a young woman alone in her big house realizing she's not alone. We know, since it's the beginning of a horror film, that she's going to die, but her death is sudden as she is grabbed from behind in a jump scare complete with orchestra swelling music. A thin white plastic trash bag is pulled over her face and she makes no attempt with her free hands to remove or rip a breathing hole in the material. Instead she dies (within a minute of being grabbed) with her hands reaching out for nothing in front of her.

Seriously? Poke a hole in that flimsy plastic! Use your fingers, your teeth, anything! Where's your will to live?!

Apparently stalker boy gets off on dark stormy nights, because when he decides to become Elizabeth's uninvited new roommate, it is once again, a dark stormy night. He sneaks into her apartment when she's taking her second trip to the outside trashcan (why the director thought showing her make two trips to the trashcan was necessary is beyond me) and hides in her closet for most of the movie. Aside from the creep factor of him being there without her knowledge, lurking near her towels when she takes a shower, and touching her face while she sleeps - the intruder isn't very scary, with the exception of his manners. The first night, he raids her fridge (eating cottage cheese from the container with his fingers!), takes a bite out of an apple and leaves it in her fruit bowl, and urinates in her dirty dishes. All of this goes completely unnoticed by Elizabeth the following morning. (Girl, you can't smell the URINE in your sink?!)

The movie basically just follows Elizabeth through her boring, mundane life. The viewer watches her go to cello practice, fight with her boyfriend, baby sit her friend's cat, shower numerous times, change clothes numerous times, have sex with her boyfriend, video chat with her Mom, fix a light bulb, do her laundry, and sleep. The viewer also watches the intruder watch her do these mundane tasks. Eventually he just becomes part of the scenery. When he finally makes his move, the screen cuts to black and the credits roll - just long enough for the viewer to scream, "I WASTED AN HOUR AND A HALF FOR THAT?! NOTHING HAPPENED!!" Never fear, friends, the credits break to reveal the real ending, which is only a little less unsatisfying than the fake one. There's no big showdown between Elizabeth and stalker boy, and, quite honestly, the real ending doesn't make much sense based on stalker boy's previous modus operandi.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I cannot be scared for characters that I dislike - and this movie does absolutely nothing to make them likable. Elizabeth only seemed concerned with her own needs and couldn't understand why her boyfriend wouldn't give up his tenured position as a university researcher or professor to follow her to England for a few months while she plays with the Philharmonic Orchestra. (That Bastard!) I was hoping she'd make a journey of self-discovery through this horrific experience, maybe come into her own as a badass and overtake the intruder - but sadly, no such luck. The only character I was anxious for was the cat, and thankfully, the film did avoid the cliché of killing the pet for shock or to torment the victim. (Only because the intruder did NOTHING to her throughout 95% of the film.)

The acting was mediocre. Louise Linton's natural Scottish accent can be heard sporadically throughout her dialogue, confusing the viewer as to whether she is supposed to be an American or someone from abroad studying music in Oregon. Moby only had two scenes and not much of a character to work with, so this film probably isn't the best specimen from which to judge his acting prowess. John Robinson and Zach Myers gave decent performances as her neighbor, John, and her boyfriend, Justin, respectively.

I did like the setting. I loved Elizabeth's apartment, it had personality (unlike her), and seemed like a cozy place to relax for a weekend. Her  neighborhood was cute and quaint. It felt inviting. A perfect contrast to a suspense / horror themed plot - if the horror actually decided to show itself.

There were a number of things I hated about this movie. I hated that every man Elizabeth encountered came off as a threatening creep in some way. I hated the unnecessary shots such as the aforementioned trash sequence, the pervy downward pan of Elizabeth's naked body while she washes herself in the shower (nothing against her, she has a beautiful figure), the unnecessary male nudity, and the cinematic montage at the fake end of the film where Elizabeth sees the intruder's face and immediately attaches it to all the actions he did without her knowledge. How is she having a realization flashback montage when she had no idea he did ANY of those things?! I hated how every time Elizabeth is close to discovering the intruder or something that would reveal she is not alone in her apartment, she just happens to be distracted and pulled away from what she was doing. I hated how sloppy the intruder was and how blind Elizabeth was to this sloppiness. The guy relied on sheer luck to not be found out. Lastly, I hated the scene where the intruder kills someone in Elizabeth's apartment with a knife - not a single drop of blood hit her pristine cream colored carpet. How is that possible?

Overall, this is one of the lamest entries in the 'Home Invasion' subgenre of horror/thriller films I've ever seen. The characters are dull and uninteresting, even anger inducing. Clichés abound. Nothing happens for the majority of the film, and when it does happen, it's not very satisfying. I would only recommend this film if you like spending 90 minutes watching some creep watch some girl do mundane things and enjoy a really slow build up to practically nothing in the end.

3.5/10

Trailer: