(AKA Jacko Lantern)
Directed by: Steve Latshaw
Starring: Linnea Quigley, Maddisen K. Krown (as Rebecca Quicks), Gary Doles, Ryan Latshaw, Catherine Walsh, Rachel Carter, Cameron Mitchell and John Carradine
Genre: Horror / Slasher / Horror-Comedy
Rated: R
During the early years of the twentieth century, sorcerer Walter Machen was lynched by the men of the Kelly family for his crimes of magic use and murder. At the time of his execution, Machen cursed the Kelly family, swearing a demon would rise up and take his revenge. Not long after, many of the Kellys are brutally murdered by said demon, but not before one of them is able to put an end to the creature’s rampage. Decades later, a group of partying teens unwittingly release this entity, now dubbed The Pumpkin Man, from its consecrated grave and it returns to its mission of vengeance upon the town. It is up to the descendants of both the Kelly and Machen clans to stop it once and for all.
I saw this as part of a cheesy horror triple feature at the Drive-In on Saturday night, and good Lord, it was terrible. This is bad in the “actually awful” sense, not the guilty pleasure or “so bad it’s good” way. My husband and I were able to riff on it enough to make it somewhat bearable, and there are some fun moments, but for the most part you’re not missing anything if you skip this one.
First and foremost, the acting is atrocious from almost everyone involved, the exceptions being Quigley and Carter as the Miller sisters. The child actors seem to be trying their best, but they are obviously very inexperienced and lacking proper direction. The casting of Ryan Latshaw as the young protagonist, Sean, feels like a bit of nepotism on the part of the director (they are father and son). Ryan is adorable but his performance is rather flat and lacks the energy and personality it takes to carry a film. The rest of the cast sound like they are simply running lines in the initial read through rather than performing actual takes while filming. Many lack any sort of inflection in their tone while reciting dialogue – like they are simply regurgitating statements robotically. Even veteran actor John Carradine appears to be phoning it in, although, to be fair, his scenes are stock footage from 1985, shot three years prior to his death in 1988, so he probably wasn’t at his best and likely thought the scenes would never be released. The actors playing the caricatures of the conservative couple and Rush Gingbaw (parody of Rush Limbaugh) seem to be having fun, at least.
The opening is weird, depicting Sean sitting by a campfire in the woods with a strange knife-wielding man insistent upon telling him a ghost story.
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| “Please, Mister, if I listen to your creepy story will you let me go home?” - My husband |
While it is never clarified, I believe the opening scene is one of many nonsensical dream sequences the film subjects the audience to throughout its short run-time. The man in this scene shows up again later as a very weird neighbor that cannot contain his obnoxious, maniacal laughter. Both this character and the first scene could have been cut entirely as they don’t add anything to the storyline. The movie probably could have opened with the original attack in the 1900s and done a time skip to present day, dropping the unnecessary beginning and character altogether.
The special effects are pretty laughable, but at least the film seems aware of this and appears to poke fun at itself in this department. From cartoonish lightning bolts and electric currents to an over-the-top burnt corpse one IMDb user described as a “flame broiled Muppet” and an obviously fake severed head that is gritting its teeth in a grimace,
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| This HAS to be a Knowing Wink, Right? |
The deaths were also relatively silly, but at least entertaining. The Final Destination style death by toaster is hilarious, as well as an actor very obviously spitting fake blood out of his mouth when his character is supposed to be dead. That had to be intentional, right? If not, the editor is either really lazy or trolling the audience.
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| Toaster Death Complete with Terrible SFX |
With deaths like those described above and the lackluster special effects, I suspected this had to be intended as a horror-comedy rather than a straight slasher flick. I had to dig and read other reviews to confirm this theory however, as both IMDb and the film’s Wikipedia page only list the genre as horror. Maybe the other reviewers and I are simply giving this film too much credit, but I will give the flick the benefit of the doubt and infer the comedy was intentional until I learn otherwise from a credible source.
Of course, as this is a low-budget B-Movie starring Linnea Quigley, she gives the expected nudity the target audience is looking for. She has a gratuitous shower scene that lingers heavily on her breasts and butt as she slowly washes herself. The scene has no point to the story and could easily have been cut, but obviously we need something to drag in an audience. There’s also a bonus topless scene from Rachel Carter, so there is plenty of nudity to appease the audience members attracted to women. It still doesn’t make the film worth watching. You can probably find screen caps, gifs and/or videos of these scenes via Google if you’re that desperate to see them.
I am surprised that the movie doesn’t fall victim to the “onscreen nudity and/or sex equals death” trope. Neither girl is “punished” for her sexuality, which is a nice change of pace in B-grade slashers. Sadly this doesn’t prevent them from being hit on by perverted middle-aged men, such as when Sean’s father tells him ‘You can look but you can’t touch’ while giving Carolyn an overt once-over – referring both to Sean’s interest in Jim’s motorcycle and his own interest in her.
Gross! Like him being married is the only reason he can’t be with Carolyn and she would be interested at all.
Bro, that’s Linnea-freaking-Quigley, you don’t stand a chance. Sorry, not sorry.
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| Carolyn's face says "I'm uncomfortably humoring you, Mr. Kelly." |
Sean’s dad, David, certainly seems to consider himself quite the ladies man, which is a bit optimistic on his part, considering his average middle-aged appearance. He flirts with both Carolyn and Vivian, both of whom are far out of his league. He makes no attempt to hide this from his wife, and while she teases him about Carolyn as she’s aware he doesn’t stand a chance with her, his friendship with Vivian does make her suspicious. Vivian’s only interest in David is his heritage and the connection between their two families as she is a descendant of Walter Machen, and it will require them to work together in order to lay the killer demon to rest.
The characters themselves aren’t bad, but they are very one-dimensional. Sean seems like a sweet kid who always tries to do the right thing and both his parents seem like good people (with the exception of David’s wandering eye) who turn their garage into a haunted house each Halloween for charity. Carolyn is probably the most likable and well-rounded character, taking her job as Sean’s babysitter seriously and doing her best to protect him when they find themselves in the sights of The Pumpkin Man. The conservative couple neighboring the Kellys, Carolyn, and Vivian is nasty and annoying, though it is very obvious they are supposed to be, and it is pretty satisfying when we’re rid of them.
According to the Wikipedia page, per the audio commentary on the tenth anniversary DVD release, this film is supposed to be a statement on the “’political polarization and the culture war in 1990s America’ through its conservative suburbanite characters.” An attempt was definitely made, especially with what at the time would have seemed like over-the-top stereotypes of conservatives and the in-movie version of Rush Limbaugh they worship being contrasted with their charitable and loving neighbors. If this was released today, the right wing would definitely be decrying it as garbage created by the “woke left.” (We can agree that it is garbage, just not the reason why.) However, while the attempt at political/social commentary was made, it didn’t really succeed in actually saying anything. There are many great horror films that succeed in this area, but this is definitely not one of them.
This is a skippable attempt at a supernatural slasher horror comedy. The acting is bad even by B-movie standards, the effects subpar and the story bland. There are a few fun scenes and the typical nudity expected of a movie like this, but it’s nothing worth seeking out.
3/10
