Cougars, Inc. (2011)

Directed by: K. Asher Levin

Starring: Kyle Gallner, Kathryn Morris, Denise Richards, Sarah Hyland and James Belushi

Genre: Drama, Comedy

Rated: R

Having been expelled from many private high schools in his four-year-career, Sam (Gallner) finally finds himself at one he enjoys. He has a fun group of friends and a “cool” headmaster. When Sam discovers that his mother can no longer pay his tuition, he is quite upset. After meeting an older woman in a bar and winding up in bed with her, Sam and his friends come up with a plan to keep him in school by creating an escort service and prostituting themselves to older women.

This film was mediocre at best. It is not my usual choice of film to begin with, but I decided to give it a shot because of Kyle Gallner playing the lead. Oh, Kyle, this crap is beneath your acting abilities. What are you doing?

Gallner’s performance is honestly the only thing this film has going for it. The other actors do their best with what they have, but their characters are so one-dimensional it really doesn’t matter. Kathryn Morris is great when she is on the screen as well, but the story is obviously centered around Sam, his friends, and Dan, the headmaster (Belushi).

The storyline could have been believable, but the writing was poorly executed. The film is supposed to depict the struggles Sam encounters as he tries to balance his business with his real life, and not allow the two to intermix. This would have been a lot easier to follow if Sam was a sympathetic character from the beginning, but he’s not. He claims all of his past expulsions were part of a string of bad luck, he’s a victim of circumstance, nothing is his fault. Somehow, the headmaster agrees with him and takes him under his wing, not even getting mad at Sam when he has every right to be. The women are all interchangeable – each one has a similar story, each one is gorgeous and willing to hop into bed with the nearest eighteen-year-old boy, no matter how nerdy looking he is. Give me a break; women like Kathryn Morris and Denise Richards could have any man they wanted, why would they select an average looking high school senior? It also irritated me that there was no positive adult female character. All the mothers in this film were depicted as laughable and practically unfit, running around with young boys and encouraging underage drinking. The dialogue also seemed forced in a lot of places, attempting to be hip and with this generation, but failing. 

The camera work was awful as well. There were times when the camera was obviously shaking when there was no need for it. As I was watching the film, I was thinking, “Has the filmmaker never heard of a tripod?” Seriously, a tripod and a dolly would have solved many of the film’s aesthetic issues.  Apparently the director was going for a “realistic” vibe, but all I got from his style was amateur, inexperienced, and shoddy.

Overall, the film was pretty bad, and beneath many of the cast members’ actual talents. Gallner, Morris and Richards are all above this inane flick. The characters are shallow, the dialogue forced and the camera work poor.

4.5/10